Yes, men are aware that women are socialized thusly, and may conclude that it’s a compliment to say, “Wow, you look so young!
” Actually, it makes him sound like a mustachioed uncle who shouldn’t be left alone with children.
In my two years on Ok Cupid, I’ve gone on a handful of dates and been treated to hundreds more hilarious, offensive and often bizarre messages.
The sheer volume of potential mates helps turn the tables even further.It can be limiting in that regard, but the little things can be significant.Online dating informs you from the get-go if your potential companion enjoys the musical stylings of John Mayer, thinks counts as a “book,” or voted for Ron Paul.But an equally important component of the online dating game is sending visual cues to potential dates about what kind of person you are.The shirtless photo says, simultaneously, “poor judgment” and “The Situation.” See also: The “look how desirable I am because I am surrounded by hot girls” photo. What It Means: I’m not very intelligent, and/or I’m lazy. When you message me to say “letds f cvk,” it’s unclear whether you would like to have intercourse or associate with the law firm of Cosgrave Vergeer Kester LLP.So I logged onto Ok Cupid, uploaded some flattering photos, listed a bunch of pretentious favorite books and music, and waited. Within a day, I had received dozens of new communiques.Most days, I would scroll through them for a minute or two, then get quickly overwhelmed and click “close tab.” For every 20 or 30 messages I received, I responded to maybe one.In fact, I will not make out with another girl just to impress a stranger on the internet; nor will I tell you about the last time I had sex just so you can jerk off while we Ok Cupid chat. “I’m a nice guy.”What It Means: I think that holding the door for you obligates you to spread. You are such an internet stereotype, and yet you don’t stop proclaiming your Nice Guyness.The internet is a delivery system for any kind of pornography imaginable. A dater’s comment about how he is Such a Nice Guy is inevitably followed up by a lament about how women only like jerks—i.e., any guy who is not the Nice Guy. Because he sometimes does nice things for women, and they do not have sex with him in return. All of the user’s favorite authors, directors and musicians are white men, except that one rapper they like. I had a busy social life, a job I liked, smart friends, and a general aversion to committed relationships—and no incentive to clear the way for dudes. Then my friend Priscilla—an attractive, normal, and well-socialized young woman—signed up for Ok Cupid.“It’ll make you stop being such a judgmental bitch,” was how she put it.